<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Bound to Live by sugarblossom</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24996652">Bound to Live</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom'>sugarblossom</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Menstruation, Misgendering, Probably ooc, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, What else is new, self-deprecation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:09:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,251</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24996652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ash and Leon share experiences regarding being trans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dande | Leon &amp; Satoshi | Ash Ketchum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TransAshKetchumWorks</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warning: Gender dysphoria, transphobia, misgendering, a bit of swearing, self-deprecation, and mentions of menstruation. Stay safe!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>They’re looking at you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash shoved his hands into his blue hoodie, a forced grin on his face as he walked past some strangers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was met with leers, stares, glares. Uncomfortable grimaces and crinkled noses and curled lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pikachu cooed to Ash, nuzzling his cheek to reassure </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone </span>
  </em>
  <span>supported him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just had to power through it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Ash! It’s been a while!” Pikachu’s ears perked up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash blinked. “Champion Leon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I already mistook you for my brother Hop!” Leon waved, stepping next to them. “Nice day we’ve got, hm?” Ash rubbed his shoulder, nodding. “So what are you doing back here in my region?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just touring the place with Pikachu here.” Pikachu waved to Leon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tilting his head, Leon said, “Oh, do you need a tour guide? I know a really good tour guide, he- oops sorry, she’s one of the most knowledgeable people out there!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...It’s fine!” Ash exclaimed, taking a sharp breath. “Uh… I use he/him.” Cooing, Pikachu pressed himself closer to Ash.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon blinked. “Oh, same here!” He showed Ash and Pikachu his bracelet. It had Leon’s pronouns, backdropped by the colours of the trans flag.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kokoro!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash froze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A couple of people came up to them. “Kokoro, funny seeing you! What are you doing here?” Pikachu narrowed his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, hey…” Ash covered his mouth, the other over his stomach. Pikachu nuzzled Ash’s cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon furrowed his eyebrow as the group whispered to themselves about how ‘she used to look so good’ and ‘she didn’t do well in school, of course she would screw this up as well.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash’s wide eyes darted back and forth. “Well I’m just travelling here! I… didn’t expect to see any of you! How have things been?” he exclaimed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The group giggled. Pikachu scowled. “You really haven’t changed much,” one of them said, staring at Ash’s black pants with an exasperated face. “Seriously, </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> pants?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re still so short! And your voice is still that squeaky?” another tsked. “Why did you get a haircut anyways?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pikachu glared at them, chirping when Ash clenched his fists, face red. “It’s none of your business.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The ringing in his ears won’t go away.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mew, Kokoro,” another said. “What’s going on with you? Are you that sensitive?” Leon stared at Ash, head tilted towards the group. Ash shook his head, placing a hand on Pikachu’s head. “Seriously, you’re on your monthly, aren’t you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash winced before crossing his arms, sporting a stoic face. Leon plastered a grin on his face when the group stared at him, their eyebrows raised. “And why do you have long hair? Aren’t you supposed to be a guy?” Ash and Pikachu exchanged a glance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am a guy,” Leon flatly said. “Regardless of what my birth certificate says.” The group froze, a grimace on their faces. “Yeah, I’m transgender.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would have never known!” they murmured to each other. Ash and Pikachu both gulped. “What’s a transgender? Could you ask him to explain more about how he transgendered? That’ll show we’re on his side, right? You know, I’ve never met a transgender before, have you? But like, why would he choose that? So he like, changed genders? Did he get surgery for… those? Wait, would you want to date him, even if he’s a transgender? I mean, he looks so good! He looks like a real man! Do you think they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> transgenders-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well! This was interesting. We’ll be going now,” Leon said, nodding to Ash and Pikachu. He turned back to the group, dramatically running a hand through his hair. “Enjoy your stay in my region!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ambling ahead, Ash stifled a chuckle. He stared over the city, absentmindedly patting Pikachu’s back while rolling his shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” Leon asked, a hand hovering over Ash’s shoulder. Pikachu stared up at Leon, one ear raised.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Endlessly confused, hurt, frustrated, angry, cold-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash rubbed his temples. “I’m fine, Champion Leon. It’s been worse. More importantly, how are you feeling?” Leon instinctively held a hand out towards Ash as he slightly wobbled on his feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m used to it.” Ash shot him an empathetic look. “Are you sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>feeling alright?” Pikachu shook his head. Ash only shrugged. “Do they… know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Scoff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No way. I’m not risking it.” Ash scowled, rubbing at his arms. Pikachu’s ears wilted. “At the same time, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so obvious</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> are they still getting it wrong?!” After a pause, he sighed. “I don’t know. I’m just… meh. I never did well in school anyways.” Ash blinked when Pikachu patted his cheek. “Oh, so sorry, I didn’t mean to… go off on a tangent. And sorry for my old classmates, sorry you got dragged into all of it-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Slow down, Ash, it’s not your fault.” Leon worriedly glanced at Ash when he winced, trying to hide his sharp breaths. “Are you hurt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Cramps.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After wincing, Leon said, “Bad?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Pikachu paw-palmed. “I mean, it’s fine, don’t worry about it, it’ll get worse </span>
  <em>
    <span>later</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Ash sighed, mumbling, “Man, those clouds look so… sad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon sweatdropped when Ash took a sharp breath, tears filling his eyes. Pikachu cooed, patting Ash’s shoulder with his tail.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Then what are you doing out and about?” Ash blinked, absentmindedly shifting his hoodie. “Ignore touring, you need a </span>
  <em>
    <span>rest</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Come on, the league building’s over there. We could get you… uh, Advil? Aleve?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Champion Leon…” Ash trailed off, fidgeting with the edge of his hoodie. “I… ok. You don’t need to get me anything like that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>is better than...that.” Pikachu tilted his head at Leon, ears twitching.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Less than five minutes later, Ash and Pikachu stared up at Leon from the large bed, piles of blankets and pillows around them. “Uh, Champion Leon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon hummed, “Mhm? Now, I hope you know to take pain pills before you- Oh, do you want music? A movie? A specific TV show? Anything you want to recommend? I heard ‘The Imitation Game’ was good-” He stopped short. “Well, there’s implied homosexuality-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine with that. With the whole LGBT+ spectrum.” Ash ignored Leon’s proud face, grumbling, “But can we maybe hold off on media stuff for now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No problem!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pikachu curled up next to Ash, yawning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Raising an eyebrow when Leon placed more blankets on top of the piles, Ash sweatdropped when Leon placed a large hoodie on the pile. “Isn’t that Raihan’s hoodie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shhh, we steal each other’s stuff all the time.” Ash and Pikachu rolled their eyes when Leon chuckled to himself. “Oh, do you want tea?” Leon leaned over the desk next to the bed, humming thoughtfully. “Green tea? Chamomile tea? Mint? Raspberry leaf? Honey? Milk? A mix?” Ash rubbed the nape of his neck, rolling his shoulders and plucking at his hoodie. “You look uncomfortable.” Leon tilted his head. “Too much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine, Champion Leon.” Pikachu pawed at Leon, sticking his tongue at Ash when Ash deadpanned at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Propping his head up on a pile of paperwork, Leon rolled his wrist. “You can just call me Leon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, Mr. Leon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon sweatdropped. “Anything else you want?” Ash shifted his hoodie. “Do you wear a binder?” Pikachu’s fur bristled, and Leon blinked. “Oh, sorry! Too personal.” He narrowed his eyes. “Unless you’re not taking care of yourself and wearing a binder for too long. Or worse, using ace-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sports bra,” Ash mumbled, nudging the strap again. Pikachu stared between Ash and Leon, softly chirping.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… don’t want to overstep my boundaries, but… you know, make yourself comfortable.” Leon shoved himself to a standing position. “Anything you want to eat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t really care,” Ash mumbled, to Pikachu’s surprise. “You don’t have to-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok got it! Trust me, not eating only makes everything worse. You can stop forcing yourself to be strong.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash watched Leon leave. “...Are we still talking about my period?” Pikachu tilted his head, shrugging. Ash sighed, laying against a pile of blankets and hugging it. “Well, I guess this is a thing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He yawned, shutting his eyes. Pikachu pressed himself closer to Ash.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash opened his eyes with a groan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few minutes later, Leon leaned against the outside wall. “Are you good?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you mean if I’ll leave this bed I’m sorry the answer is no,” Ash grumbled. Leon stifled a laugh, stepping into the room. Ash poked his head out of his hoodie, letting his white sports bra drop down. “Why are these so hard to take off?” he complained. Pikachu buried under Ash’s bra, chirping up at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon hid a snicker. “You can’t even do that with a binder.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, binder.” Ash facedesked into a pile of blankets. Pikachu laughed, leaping onto a nearby pillow and curling up on it. Ash extended his arms out of his hoodie, rolling over and nearly off the bed if Leon didn’t roll him the other way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Want some soup? Maybe some fruit?” Ash stared at the hot water bottle in Leon’s hand before turning away. “...I said you can stop forcing yours-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have so much to do.” Ash peeked up at Leon when he leaned the hot water bottle against him. “Mr. Leon, you’re too nice to me. But I’m supposed to be...” he trailed off. Pikachu hissed at Ash, who sweatdropped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon set the bowl of soup on the nearby bed stand, wincing when Ash tried and failed to push himself off the bed. “You good there?” Only grumbling answered him. “Well, do you want any fruit?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash chuckled when Leon placed a bottle of orange juice next to him before hissing in pain. “...Oh what am I doing with my life. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.” Sighing, Pikachu kept an eye on Leon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sitting next to Ash and placing the plate of fruit down, Leon said, “Resting is important too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sharp breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash placed a hand over his mouth as he stared at the fruit plate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something wrong?” Pikachu’s ears twitched.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know!” Ash snapped, poking at a single grape on the plate. “What the heck...” He blinked. “Wait, did you seriously mean ‘resting’?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon sweatdropped. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash rubbed his shoulder, reaching to munch a slice of banana. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want to take a short walk-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HA NO.” Ash hugged a Charizard plushie, murmuring, “Aw you poor thing, you’re so cold.” Leon rolled his eyes. “Hey Mr. Leon? I thought you </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>sleep with a sports bra on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon shrugged. “You shouldn’t sleep with a binder though. You’ve probably heard that before.” Ash sniffled, burying his face in a nearby pillow. Pikachu yawned, eyes half-lidded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Does it look like I’m ok</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Ash sat up, grabbing at the bowl of soup. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stifling a chuckle, Leon handed the soup to Ash. “Sorry sorry, stupid question. Will you be ok?” Pikachu tilted his head, kneading the pillow he’s on and closing his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said </span>
  <em>
    <span>I DON’T know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Ash took a deep breath, staring down at the dish. “Sorry.” Before Leon could say a word, Ash inhaled the entire bowl of soup and placed the empty bowl next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I certainly hope you will.” Leon softly punched Ash’s arm, backing off when Ash glared at him. “Don’t give up on yourself, alright? There’s always the possibility of getting better and living a life that’s worth all of this!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash covered his mouth again, trying not to cry. Pikachu’s ears shot up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon’s eyes widened. “Oh- What did I say wrong? Ash, what’s wrong? I- Do you not want people around when you’re on shark week? Should I leave-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Covering his face, Ash murmured, “I don’t understand why are you trying so hard to make me feel better- And you just called me by Ash oh Mew oh Mew.” He curled up even more, touching his stomach and grimacing in pain. Opening his eyes, Pikachu padded over at Ash.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Furrowing his eyebrows, Leon opened his arms towards Ash. Ash squished one of his arms with the Charizard plushie, clinging to the other while hiccuping. Nodding to Leon, Pikachu ran back to the end of the bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon rubbed Ash’s back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What for?” Leon asked, tracing random shapes against Ash’s arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That you have to take care of me.” Pikachu’s ears dipped as he stretched out on his pillow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’m sorry that you have to deal with all of this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash stared up at Leon. “What do you- never mind that, you had other plans for the day, didn’t you? I ruined your day already, you don’t need to stay-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I want to.” Leon tilted his head, joking, “I’ve kinda had enough of the crowds, you know? Your well-being comes first anyways.” Grinning, Pikachu curling up on the pillow. Ash grumbled, eating a slice of pecha berry with a fork. “And I mean that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a clang. Ash stared at his dropped fork, trying not to cry. Leon stared at Ash, nearly tumbling off the bed when Ash blubbered, “My </span>
  <em>
    <span>fork</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pikachu sweatdropped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon patted Ash on the head. “Here’s your fork back.” He sported an amused smile. “Man, you have an even bigger appetite than Hop-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m </span>
  <b>
    <em>sorry</em>
  </b>
  <span>.” Ash’s eyebrow twitched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stifling a laugh, Leon held his hands out. “Alright, alright. Anything else you want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Do you have candy? Chips? Chocolate?” Ash patted Leon’s cape. “Come on, we can eat popcorn and watch a movie- Oh unless you don’t… want to? Maybe ice cream?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would love for you to eat what you want, but all that sugar and salt isn’t good for you in the long run. Maybe a black bean salad-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash’s eyes widened in realization, and he curled up onto himself. “I don't want anything then. ‘S for the best.” Leon blankly stared off into the distance. Ash glanced off for a moment before calling Leon’s name. Pikachu stared between the two, chittering and pawing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Oh, yeah ok sure.” Leon said, snapping out of his stupor and placing the empty bowl back on the bed stand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you… ok-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I’m alright now. But we’re focusing on you right now.” Leon forced a grin on his face, crossing his arms over his stomach. “What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I want to pass out.” Ash picked up the bottle of orange juice when Pikachu cooed sadly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon reached a hand, withdrawing it when Ash glared at it. “Should we go to a hospital-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No it’s normal.” Ash wiped his forehead, shivering. “Is it just me or does this bottle look sad-” His voice squeaked. Pikachu froze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash flinched.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it because of the blue bottle cap?” Leon raised an eyebrow when Ash glanced off, haphazardly eating the rest of the fruit. “Do you want to take a nap?” Pikachu chirped to Ash, yawning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Too busy eating, Ash shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you stand? How about a warm shower? It might help you feel better?” Ash blankly stared at Leon with wide eyes. “Erm, I guess not? Do you want to talk about anything?” Ash shook his head before nodding and tilting his head. Leon sweatdropped. “Are we playing charades now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash pursed his lips, forcing his tone lower. “I’ll skip those.” He winced when his voice cracked. Pikachu winced. Ash shook his head at him. Pikachu reluctantly nodded, shutting his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon’s eyes widened in realization. “...Should I get pen and paper? Whiteboard?” Ash’s face flushed in embarrassment as he shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No it’s not… </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad,” Ash murmured. “Showers on the other hand…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah...” Leon leaned back on his hands, staring off into the distance. “Anything else on your mind you want to tell me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The TSA </span>
  <b>
    <em>sucks</em>
  </b>
  <span>.” Pikachu’s ears twitched in his sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon tried and failed to stifle a laugh. “Sorry sorry, yeah, it does.” He winked at Ash. “You must have gone through a lot to reach here, oh knight Ash.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash cracked a smile before sighing. “...I don’t get it.” Leon tilted his head. “How do you deal with…” Ash gestured towards Leon, cringing. “I mean, I’m fine with it, plenty of my friends are the same, but I could never…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because long hair’s for girls?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No that’s not- Well, I do admit I’m more used to females having long hair, but it’s not like that makes them ‘less,’ you get me?” Ash randomly gestured. “I mean, nothing makes them less. Does that make sense? But yeah, you present how you want.” Leon hummed in agreement, raising an eyebrow when Ash continued, “But like… I personally can’t.” Ash ran a hand through his own hair, wincing. “And it’s getting too long for my comfort even now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, I think I get it. It’s different for everyone after all. The severity, your feelings, the things you’re dysphoric over.” Leon twirled a strand of hair. “How ‘bout we get you a haircut later?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash simply shrugged. He stared at his hands before rubbing his jaw. “Hey, Mr. Leon?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon played with the edge of a pillow. “Mhm? You’re welcome to call me Leon, you know.” Ash stayed silent. “Uh, if you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you get…” Ash pursed his lips, stretching out and petting Pikachu’s back. “Can I ask you a small, possibly personal question? Totally ok if you say no, of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do… Is it common to…” Ash sighed, asking, “Do you get period dysphoria?” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Ok sorry invasive sorry I’m like one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> people sorry-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Leon shift.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it.” Leon hummed thoughtfully. “I guess it fluctuates.” Ash snapped his eyes open. “I do get dysphoria on shark week, but it doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally control </span>
  </em>
  <span>my life anymore,” Leon said with an awkward laugh. Ash winced. “Oh, too insensitive? I do apologize. I do admit the wrappers are still a nightmare though.” Leon’s voice became quieter. “Though there are menstrual cups, but you know, yikes... And the fact that everything is still marketed towards women. And...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash reached out towards Leon, but Leon only shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a full minute of silence, Ash mumbled, “What if I say I don’t get period dysphoria?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Ash stiffened. “Like, yeah, getting my period is painful and bloody and messy and </span><em><span>absolutely the most annoying</span></em> <em><span>thing ever</span></em><span>.” He sighed, rubbing Pikachu’s cheeks. “But… dysphoria? Why don’t I have...”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well you deserve it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha- If you’re getting dysphoria from periods, why am I not? Am I lying to myself about having dysphoria then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon shushed Ash. “Everyone’s different, Ash-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash continued, “What if I really am faking it? What if I’m not really trans? What if I’m not trans </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” He cut himself off when Leon placed his hands on his shoulders. “Mr-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re trans enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I only recently discovered-” Ash bitterly laughed, crossing his arms over his stomach. “Look at me, talking about it like it’s a choice. Why didn’t I realize when I was younger?” He stared at Leon. “Did you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah but-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So I’m just faking being trans.” Ash glanced off, covering his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No you’re- What you’re feeling is valid, but you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>trans enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash stayed silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A cacophony of sadness, paranoia, anxiety, depression, envy, nausea, disgust, anger, confusion, dread, hopelessness-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t believe you’re making it up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re making it up, Kokoro. You’re not a real man. You don’t deserve to be loved. Why would anyone love you like this? Too fantastical. Oversensitive freak. Too soft. Too weird. Too young. Wrong. Ugly. Naive. Unnatural. Inhuman. Failure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would you ‘choose’ being trans in the first place to deal with all the transphobia?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your body’s wrong. You’re defective. Useless. Disgusting. Worthless. You deserve all the hate. You don’t deserve happiness. You’re fucked up, Kokoro. You don’t deserve to get ‘better,’ and you certainly don’t have a future. Go break your own ribs, you’ve had worse.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t see any reason that discredits you being trans! Are you doing it for attention? From sexism? From homophobia? As an excuse to suffer? I seriously doubt all of that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash stayed silent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Look at you, zoning out. You can’t help anyone. Your life is ruined, and you’re letting it happen to others. How heartless are you? Then again, why would anyone take you seriously? You can’t even take care of others. Don’t you want to save them from this? From yourself? </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Why did you survive, Kokoro?</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon bit his lip, instantly shaking his head and sporting a stoic face. “Listen, regardless of what I say, if you’re trans, you’re ‘trans enough’.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash stayed silent, numbly staring off at a blank wall, eyebrow twitching.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone else is happy, why aren’t you, Kokoro? You monster. Why did you say that to him in the first place? Are you sick? You shouldn’t have said anything about this. You shouldn’t have worried him. You shouldn’t have given him a reason to. What if other people heard that you were doubting your identity? What if-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just… you’re more than your dysphoria- er, lack of dysphoria. It doesn’t define you, hear me? You’re a valid human being. Suffering isn’t a competition, and you don’t-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you shut up for a-” Ash took a sharp breath, covering his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Failure.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Leon raised his hands, scooting back. Ash laid back down, sighing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Failure.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not usually… this emotional.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Failure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon’s eyes gleamed with familiarity. “I get it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just… hate it. Hate all of this.” Ash groaned, pressing his temples. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ll lose all your friends, Kokoro. You’re risking your </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>life</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. What if your mom doesn’t accept you? You’re going to hell, and Giratina wouldn’t even accept you. You’re wrong. Your body is wrong. You’re an imposter. A total abomination. A mistake. It won’t get better. It never will. You’re a lie. A liar. You don’t have a sense of self. Why would the world like someone like you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why is his voice muffled. What’s going on? Who are you? What are you? What's happening? You’re messed up, Kokoro. You can’t do </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>anything</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. Are you gonna sleep in your outside clothes again? Scared you look weird when getting dressed? You stink. Why don’t you go shower, you coward? Scared of yourself? You aren’t supposed to exist this way. You’re asking for too much. You don’t deserve anything. You don’t belong here, and the world agrees-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up shut up shut up,” Ash said, rolling up his hoodie sleeves and scratching his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Go ahead, Kokoro. Cry. You feel like crying. You want to cry. But you won’t. You can’t. Pathetic. If you cry, that’s even more pathetic. You haven’t cried for so long, why would you cry now? Aren’t you trying to be a boy-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m actually gonna kill someone if it means I get to be a boy,” Ash hissed, rubbing his temples and trying to sit up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Failure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Doesn’t help</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Ash’s eyes went blank as he took a soft breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Failure. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Never give up until the end. Heh. I’m still… </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He sighed, falling back onto the bed with one hand over his face, the other hovering over his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re the human embodiment of willpower, act like it, Kokoro. Act like a person. Stop spacing out already. Stop complaining. Stop trying to be an attention-seeking bitch. Who are you? What are you? What’s your name? What date is it? ...You see these parts? They belong to you. You were born as a girl. This is your body. Your experience. Your life. And you’re wasting it. Your body, get it? This is yours. Do you feel it? Do you like it? Because you’re stuck with it-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The world went off-kilter and rolled down a mountain.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“-sh! Ash, can you hear me? What do people do when I deal with-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash slowly blinked, rubbing his eyes to focus his vision. “Leon?” Leon’s worried eyes grew wider when Ash forced a grin on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re used to it. How- You shouldn’t- You’re...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon bit his lip. “You’re safe here, alright? You don’t have to hide your feelings.” Ash covered his mouth with a clenched fist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, Leon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a pause, Leon burst, “I’m supposed to be comforting you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are.” Ash trailed his fingers over a nearby pillow, yelping when it fell off the bed. “...It’s been a stressful day.” Leon nodded, picking the pillow back up before Ash burst into tears. “I needed this. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to be this stressed about… you know. Stress makes your shark week worse-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stress makes your life worse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon froze. Ash raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...But this isn’t stressful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash sighed, slightly stroking his sleeping Pikachu’s back. “You know what I meant. If I have it bad, you have it worse-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey hey, don’t compare!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then admit that we’re more alike than you realized.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to…” Leon pursed his lips. “Oh who am I kidding, you do know what it’s like. You just encountered it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Being on alert. Hiding yourself. The pressure. The media. The risk. And even after all of it, people still don’t accept it.” Ash growled to himself. “It’s like having an unwanted spotlight on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon muttered, “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash burst out laughing, immediately stopping so Pikachu wouldn’t wake. “Well, isn’t that familiar!” After a pause, Ash buried his head under a pillow. “I’m sorry too. I just… want to stop feeling all of this.” He groaned. “Why could I not have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>born</span>
  </em>
  <span> a boy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...There are always transitioning options?” Before Ash said anything, Leon added, “And the fact that you feel that way definitely means-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No I got it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, you want the best intentions for </span>
  <em>
    <span>yourself</span>
  </em>
  <span>! The choices you’re going to make are gonna make your life more worth living!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash sweatdropped. “Oh… Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And it’ll be great! You get to live as yourself and have a happier life! It may even help with your self-esteem-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about </span>
  <em>
    <span>self-esteem</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Leon froze. “Well, not me, at least.” Ash rolled over. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my body. It’s more like… I was forced to love my body to survive my assigned identity, and it was never genuine. I just don’t… identify with my body? Relate to it? Not at peace with it?” Leon gulped, nodding. “So yeah, social dysphoria is more hurtful. And society in general. But back to the point at hand, it’s not a self-esteem problem for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, but transitioning will still get you a better life! It certainly did for me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash stayed silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>You can’t admit that, Kokoro. You shouldn’t be scared. You shouldn’t be confused. You shouldn’t exist. You shouldn’t want to throw up every time you hear your </span></em><b><em>real </em></b><em><span>name. You </span></em><b><em>shouldn’t</em></b> <em><span>feel like this. What would people think? If you’re so unsure, are you trans at all? If you tell him you’re scared of transitioning, he might use it against you! He might tell everyone! And everyone will rightfully hate you for trying to be trans. Because how could you be trans if you aren’t sure? How could you take up transitioning if you aren’t sure? See, if you are trans, even Leon thinks you should transition. So why are you still unsure? How could you transition if you don’t even have the conviction? What’s wrong with you-</span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ash?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Staring up at Leon, Ash bit his lip. “I… Ok. If you’re sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Emphasis on </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I understand if you don’t want to transition because of the discrimination-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Ash blurted. Leon blinked. “...No, it’s not just that.” He sighed, grumbling, “I just… I don’t know, I just don’t want to be trans in the first place. I just want to either </span>
  <em>
    <span>wake up cis</span>
  </em>
  <span> or not wake up at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash hesitated. “I… Don’t tell anyone, but I both </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to transition, and not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Transitioning does come with risks, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not just that! I… How do I word this.” Ash sighed, fidgeting with the edge of a pillow and flicking at Pikachu’s tail. “Did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you were trans? Like, without question?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Well, in a way? I transitioned pretty young as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I’m sure it’s not too late-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not what I’m worried about.” Ash froze when Leon raised an eyebrow. “...I’m worried about whether I’ll regret it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I’m sure you won’t! Come on, it’ll be great!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not really reassuring. But of course, your feelings and thoughts don’t matter. No one cares. Why are you even staying here? Why did you tell him that anyways? You better shut up before you embarrass yourself even more. Or are you gonna tell him you don’t like this body of yours? That your very existence makes you uncomfortable? Come on, Kokoro, really? You’re so weird. Knowing how nice Leon is, he’ll probably say that you’re fine the way you are. He’ll say trans people transition to better their lives, so why would you deserve it? It’s not like you have that much dysphoria, what’s the point? Just love yourself, they say. Even if your body doesn’t express your identity, just </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>love yourself</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. You can’t. Why are you so anxious, Kokoro? Is there a reason you’re feeling this way? Oh, you don’t know? So can you stop being anxious over </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>nothing</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? Oh, you can’t? Tsk. Anyways, it’s all just a phase. None of it is real. Stop pretending, Kokoro. Failure. Failure. </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Failure</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess!” Ash said with a grin. “Trans pride!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon paused, putting his legs on the bed. Ash gulped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do I get the feeling you… don’t have pride-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? But I’m super proud of the trans community! I’m so proud of all your accomplishments and inspirations! You guys defy yourselves to be yourselves, changing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>world’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>view on gender! What’s there not to be proud of?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...You don’t consider yourself to be part of the community.” Leon tilted his head, staring at Ash with sad eyes. “You don’t consider yourself worthy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a moment of silence, Ash sighed. “Yeah. I don’t have pride in myself. I mean, I don’t hate myself, I- We already talked about this, haven’t we?” He buried his face into a pillow. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok. I mean, it’s not, but you’re valid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha, no.” Leon crossed his arms and legs. Ash peeked at him before mumbling, “I feel like I’m going to regret this whole transitioning thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t blame you! It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a big change.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash continued like he hadn’t heard Leon, “Because of the memories.” Leon blinked. “Even though I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> my dead name, it was still mine. Even if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> living like this, I don’t want to abandon it. Transitioning </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>make me happy, right? I mean, I’ve wanted to transition for </span>
  <em>
    <span>so long</span>
  </em>
  <span>! But also…not? Did you feel like this, Leon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I didn’t experience that. But I understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you,” Ash flatly said, rubbing his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Yeah no I don’t,” Leon admitted. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you living as a girl for this long. It’s impressive!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash laughed. “Oh, it’s not. I didn’t even realize when I was younger. Sort of.” He grinned. “Maybe I procrastinated it. I’m a pretty bad student after all.” Leon stayed silent. Ash sighed, rubbing his temples. “...Never mind. I shouldn’t be complaining when women struggle over </span>
  <em>
    <span>existence </span>
  </em>
  <span>every day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I’m sure you don’t need to have known when you were younger.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you just know who you are without doubt? Isn’t gender an instinctive thing? What if I’m not trans after all? I want to transition, but I... I’m not willing. I can’t. I shouldn’t. But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Ash groaned. “Why am I so attached to a life that hurts me? Why would anyone be sad transitioning unless they weren’t actually trans?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take a breath, Ash.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash covered his eyes. Leon held out a hand, blinking when Ash clutched his arm, hiccuping. “I’m scared. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so scared</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I don’t want to lose myself, Leon, but I have to give up-” Ash took a sharp breath, hands trembling. “To </span>
  <em>
    <span>be </span>
  </em>
  <span>myself. I hated my childhood, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>do I love my childhood self? I’m scared I don’t know I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I know you said transitioning is great I don’t mean to doubt you-” Pikachu’s ears twitched. Ash fell silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Failure</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I hug you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anytime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon scooped Ash into a hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I may not understand, I may never understand. But what you’re going through still deserves validation.” Ash glanced off when Leon placed his hands on his shoulders. “You’re allowed to be unsure. You’re allowed to be scared.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to comfort me. You did nothing wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. I know transitioning is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge</span>
  </em>
  <span> decision, and I want you to make that decision yourself. I’m sorry for pressuring you, I was just- Oh man, if Hop-” Leon stopped when Ash sank a little. “No, no excuses. I didn’t mean to… never mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kokoro. Kokoro. Kokoro. Boys don’t cry, silly. Oh? I’m abiding by gender stereotypes? Boys can cry? Yeah, but would they? Some people don’t cry. Why can’t you more like them? You’re pathetic. Weak. Helpless. Then again, why would anyone want to help you? You didn’t even help them that much. You’re only burdening them with your existence.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash shook his head, glancing upwards to contain his tears. “No, it’s fine. You’re doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than enough for me.” A pause. “Is there anything I could do for you in return?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Be happy.” Awkward silence. “And take care of yourself. Genuinely.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You tell that to your brother all the time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t about Hop.” Leon met Ash’s eyes. “This is your life. You’re responsible for it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash burst out laughing. “You haven’t lived my life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I haven’t.” Leon paused for a moment. “But I know you’ve been dealing with much more than you let on.” Leon patted Ash’s shoulders. “It’s ok to be scared-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What no I’m not scared there’s nothing wrong with me-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing’s wrong with you, yes. It’s ok, Ash.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash put his hands on Leon’s, lower lip trembling. “It’s not. It’s the start of a new life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blinking, Ash sighed, murmuring to himself, “And here I was, claiming to be the optimistic one.” He took Leon’s hands and slid them off his shoulders.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s never quite as simple as that, is it?” Ash nodded in response. “Whatever you decide to do, whenever, as long it’s your best decision, I support you. Hormones, surgery, vocal training, therapy, clothing change, pronouns, whether you transition at all, whatever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Too bad the world denies us at </span>
  <em>
    <span>every</span>
  </em>
  <span> step.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your generation can change-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know!” Ash hissed. Leon only sported a sympathetic face. “But being </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span> just doesn’t cut it! It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>! It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>enough.” The ‘I’m never enough’ was left unsaid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash rubbed his face. “Ugh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Succinct.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Ash shoved at Leon’s arm. “Oh shut up.” He stared over at Pikachu, face serious. “...There are just </span>
  <b>
    <em>so</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> many </span>
  </em>
  <span>things wrong with the world. Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>society’s view of trans people. All the discrimination. All the hate. All the… ugh, what’s the opposite of acceptance again? Ignorance? Being a total jerk? I don’t know, but it’s just not right. It’s not. I should be doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but… Even after everything, does it make a difference?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...No thanks.” Ash swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up. “There’s always gonna be people who hate trans people. Saying that you don’t exist.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know I was a mythical pokemon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha, because mythical pokemon exist, I get it.” Leon narrowed his eyes. Ash froze. “But anyways, at least you support me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>at least’</span>
  </em>
  <span>? And what was that about mythical-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, not everyone, in the trans community even, is as accepting as you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe they’re right, Kokoro.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And the mythicals?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash took a sharp breath. “You know, they exist. They’re not just some fantasy, they’re real legends.” Leon stayed silent. “But yeah, people are gonna say I’m not trans because I don’t transition the way they do or have the same experience as they do. I just...” Ash sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe they’re right, Kokoro.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As you said, there are always going to be people who hate us.” Leon shrugged. “Maybe they’re too insecure and put others down to feel more confident. But that doesn’t excuse it.” He grinned. “They can fuck off. Your gender’s your own, and you don’t have to prove your identity.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a pause, Ash said, “I thought other trans people knew what it was like though. Treat others like you want to be treated, right? Validate all identities regardless of experience, right? They </span>
  <em>
    <span>must </span>
  </em>
  <span>know better than to accuse someone of not being trans, </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe they’re right, Kokoro.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… yeah. It’s pretty hypocritical. It doesn’t matter how you’re born, it’s what you do with your life that matters, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash’s blood went cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Darkness. Blue and pink clashing. Pokemon fighting, sides divided by birth. An endless arena of battling and pain. ...Why? What was the point? Each second was agonizingly heavy with fear. What about the future generations? Will they survive in this cold world? Will they live at all?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-sh, look at me,” Leon said, waving a hand in front of Ash’s face. “Pikachu, wake up, wha-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon pursed his lips. “What just happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. What were we talking about again?” Ash blankly stared at Leon. “...Oh! Gatekeeping, right. It’s not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… As I was saying, you don’t have to be transgender a certain way. It’s not a test or checklist, it’s whatever you want to be. No matter who says otherwise, be it a stranger or ‘professional’, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>know who you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t, but alright!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you… scared of being trans? Or scared of not being ‘trans enough’?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash awkwardly laughed. “Both? I don’t know, I’m already crazy- UM that’s wrong sorry really bad wording.” Leon shot Ash a sympathetic look when he rubbed the nape of his neck. “I don’t know really. I was just ashamed of being trans because… you know, the hurtful things they say and what is said to them. And ashamed I couldn’t even be trans enough by other people’s standards. And then I’m ashamed to think this way. And then I’m ashamed to think I’m trans enough. Like, what if I’m not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if you’re not trans? What if you just pretend to be cis and these feelings will go away? What if you’re wrong? What if you regret it? What if this is a mistake? What if you can make this go away? What if you stopped being trans if you just wait long enough? What if it’ll go away if you suppress it like your past? What if you’ll be mom’s good girl by acting like one? What if you wouldn’t want to be trans anymore if you suffered more? What if this all will disappear if you just be more masculine? </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>What if-</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would it help if I say I get it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span>???”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon stifled a chuckle. “Yeah, me. Sure, some people don’t get those doubts, but I still do. I was so young, what if I was wrong? What if when I grow up, I’ll change my mind? What if everyone was right and this </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> just a phase? Those thoughts.” Ash gulped when Leon knowingly glanced at him. “Know that it’s not your fault, alright? You don’t have to justify it. I’ve said this before, you don’t have to prove your identity.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I still have to pass,” Ash denied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Please don’t let society determine how you want to live your life. You don’t have to ‘pass’ if you don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s sweet, but I don’t want to get killed again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon’s eyes widened. “A-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no I’m just asking for attention, aren’t I? Oh no oh no oh no I didn’t mean it I’m sorry why did you let me in here anyways? Would you have let me in if I wasn’t trans? Are you gonna stop being my friend if I wasn’t actually trans? Are we actually friends?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are people who can’t transition and I’m just here </span>
  <em>
    <span>complaining</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There are people who need your help more than me. There are people who- I’m just being an inconvenience, I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t feel like this-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leon side-hugged Ash. “You have every right to feel like this. And don’t worry, your gender isn’t the reason I’m your friend. I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>For being this way. For being here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry too.” Ash froze. “I’m sorry you’re living in a world where being cis is considered the ‘default.’ I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve suffered through for being who you are.” Ash raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> have trouble with bathrooms and phone calls and doctor appointments and strangers and-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, I got it.” Ash leaned his head against Leon’s shoulder, admitting, “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m proud of you.” Ash shot Leon an incredulous look. “Come on, you’re a tough dude for getting through this!” Ash forced himself to have a staring contest with the floor. “The fact that you’re still here despite all that you must have gone through shows that you’re stronger than you think!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dysphoria-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to suffer to justify your identity. Your </span>
  <em>
    <span>existence</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can just… become happier with your life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ash glanced off. “You knew when you were young.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t discredit your experience. You’ve gone through too much not to suppress or avoid your gender until now, right?” Ash nearly stopped breathing. “...Ash?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I don’t belong here in this world.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This world isn’t enough for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Ash sobbed after hearing that, he wouldn’t have told you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The world kept on spinning.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A bowl of trail mix. Fuzzy socks. Some fruit smoothies and yoghurts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A whole bed of crayon sketches.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While Ash doodled random pokemon and repetitive shapes, Leon read random trans stories and tips from his phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Spirometers. Specific exercises and experiences. Symptoms of hormone transitioning, how to prevent binder chafing, different clothing styles...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon enough, they talked about past experiences. People they’ve met. Mental illnesses. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was… cosy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no, that must have been horrible!” Ash said, placing a hand on Leon’s arm. “I’m glad you got through that!” He smiled. “I’m glad you decided to keep going and take another chance! You’re super strong!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon grinned. “Now say that to yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Huh?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jabbing Ash’s side, Leon said, “Despite everything you’ve gone through, you’re still here. Despite the world, despite your own pains, you still try to be yourself. If that isn’t strong, I don’t know what is.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash spluttered. He finished drinking his water, throwing the empty bottle against Leon’s face and mock hissing. Leon only laughed. “You’re not getting dehydrated under my watch, Ash!” he seriously joked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thanks</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon scrolled and scanned his phone page. He froze for a moment. “Bloody hell.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Agreed.” Ash glanced at Leon, blinking at Leon’s stoic expression. “...You good, Leon? Should I-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rolling off the bed and grabbing a stack of papers, Leon said with a smile, “Yeah don’t worry about it!” A few pieces of paper flew onto the bed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash gathered the papers, staring at the name written on them. The letter after “Leon” was crossed out, replaced with a star instead. “...What’s wrong?” he asked, handing the papers back to Leon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Oh! You need any spare pads?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s no need-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re in the bathroom. Third cabinet. I don’t usually look at it, but… they’re there!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um. Alright. Be right back.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon hummed in affirmation. “Stay safe!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash stepped outside, heading into the gender-neutral bathroom. He opened the cabinet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Was that a Krabby statue? Holding a tray of boxed pads? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sweatdropping, Ash took a box out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Doodles of boys. Feminine hygiene with “feminine” blacked out with sharpie. Menstruation with “men” underlined. Even the pads themselves had the female symbol crossed out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>...He was definitely sticking around.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, jotting more notes down on his pile of papers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to tie your hair up?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Staring over at Ash, Leon said, “Oh you’re back! Mm, maybe later. Just gotta finish this first. We can still talk though.” Leon scribbled his name onto the bottom of a piece of paper, continuing, “I’m assuming nothing went wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash stepped over to the desk, looping a hair elastic around his finger. “Want me to?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you want.” Ash nodded. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While Leon did his paperwork, Ash braided his hair. “Why would anything go wrong?” Ash asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon froze for a moment. “Ah, yeah, you’re right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash tilted his head. “Do you feel that way?” Leon shrugged, slightly nodding. “...Do you feel like a stranger to yourself too? Like a failing performance?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… used to?” Leon held his pen tighter before setting it down. While rubbing his knuckles, Leon said, “It’s more just discomfort for me now. Possibly disgust.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm. Distress?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like confined by an itchy sweater.” Leon sighed, picking up his pen. “Maybe wearing shoes on your opposite feet?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? It’s more like ‘being thrown into a pool while you’re sleeping’ for me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The panic?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And the wet clothing.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon blinked, before murmuring, “Showers?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Mhm.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you wanna talk about it? Or… want me to comfort or distract you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash fell silent for a few moments, repetitively braiding Leon’s hair. “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll just be… thinking.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Do you want advice?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever. If you want.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Ash pondered his past, Leon’s voice slipped in and out. “...Febreze if that helps, maybe a lint roller… dry shampoo or baby wipes or even just use the sink, cover the mirror if necessary but you probably knew that… the dark, or use a sponge... wear into the shower, but that probably won’t help you as much… Some bath products, 2 in 1 stuff, products associated with men like axe or something if that helps… Don’t know if you’re a confront or a distract dude, but… and then you follow the specific steps, maybe focus on a specific point on the wall, have your clothes ready… Oh, and maybe some music! Would you like to do that in the meantime? Maybe look at some of the distraction videos?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash snapped an elastic against his wrist, murmuring, “Hehe, hopefully it won’t make me cry.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon hugged Ash again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And if it’s ok, just please don’t use pronouns for me in public.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon nodded, peeking over at Ash drinking hot chocolate while watching cartoons on the telly. “And if someone asks?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll deal with it. Just please don’t out me, I just...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. That’s what suits you best, then I respect it. You don’t owe it to anyone to come out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you never stop coming out, do you?” Ash took a sip of his hot chocolate. “It’s like introducing yourself. To family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, possibly the world.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm, I feel that. Yeah, I tried out different names pretty much everywhere, from coffee chops to games. Still ended up with a pretty simple and similar name though.” Ash shrugged. Leon grinned when Ash hid a smile. “Well, if you’re unsure about your name, we can stick with pronoun affirmation for now!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you even </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Leon asked, taking out a blue and purple striped journal from the shipped box in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash yawned, shrugging. “Meh. Period. Nearly cried because the moon was full.” Pikachu sweatdropped before waving to Leon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon nodded in understanding. “Does positive thinking help or hurt you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...What,” Ash and Pikachu said in unison.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You heard me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I’m not sure? I mean, it’s not gonna talk me out of this. Believe me, I’ve tried,” Ash said, scanning over his sticker sheet. Pikachu stared at Leon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm yeah, but does it help you in the long run? Change your mindset? Fake it until you make it? All that?” Ash stayed silent. “...Or does it backfire because you don’t believe it, even after time? Too used to negative thoughts and fake optimism and comparisons?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash guiltily winced, nodding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. I still want you to treat yourself like a friend though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Ash picked out a sleeping Pikachu sticker, Leon held the journal towards Ash. Pikachu sniffed it, cooing to Ash.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What…?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Acknowledge and accept your thoughts and feelings. Draft gratitude letters. Whatever you want.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash pressed the sticker onto Leon’s already covered in stickers computer before staring at the journal. “I appreciate it, but no thank you. You, er, Hop, I guess, might be different, but I do better talking it out.” He shrugged. “Knowing me, I’d focus too much on not crying over how small my words are.” Pikachu snuggled closer to Ash.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon set the journal in front of Ash. “Alright.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash blinked before flushing in embarrassment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Touching the Pikachu sticker, Ash scanned the rest of the stickers. “You’re quite a big Charizard fan, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon threw a pillow at Ash’s face. “What can I say? My Charizard is awesome.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash subconsciously glanced at Pikachu before humming thoughtfully, tucking the pillow under his chin. “Charizards are awesome, indeed. But I love all of my pokemon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon rolled his eyes. “Man, if you have a Charizard, you would know-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do have a Charizard. I won’t deny he’s a great pokemon!” Ash and Pikachu both grinned. “My friends also have Charizards! Alain, Trevor, and oh oh, Kiawe’s Charizard is really great! They make a lot of deliveries in Alola!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...You’re a good kid, Ash.” Ash blinked. Leon smiled when Pikachu grinned at him. “Alola, huh? The region next to Unova?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t there a new league and champion?” Leon said. “I wonder who it is?” Ash and Pikachu sweatdropped. “...You know who it is? Did you see the ceremony?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I was there.” Pikachu stifled a laugh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon’s eyes widened. “Wait. </span>
  <em>
    <span>YOU’RE-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-nd the publicity?” Leon asked, watching Ash cuddle with Pikachu.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Still, Alola was good for you!” Pikachu chirped in agreement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Ash chuckled, colouring a printout mandala with coloured pencils. “Trial and error indeed. Speaking of which, do you need anything?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can still accompany you to appointments? How about baked goods?” Pikachu patted Ash’s hair, making him roll his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right back at you!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They shared a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about shopping then?” Ash asked, holding up his finished mandala to Pikachu. “People may stare at you for different reasons than me though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon sported a knowing look, shrugging. “Sure! Wanna shop online in the meantime?” Ash and Pikachu both perked up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m paying this time!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash tipped his new Pikachu cap up, deadpanning when Leon laughed. “You look </span>
  <em>
    <span>ridiculous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Leon flicked the Pikachu ears attached to the cap. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh what a </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span> you are,” Ash said, whapping Leon with the edge of his hoodie arm. Pikachu rolled his eyes, climbing to Ash’s shoulder and flicking at the cap.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, I could probably crochet you a better hat.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Grinning, Ash said, “Thank you. Truly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Pikachu grinned between the two of them. Leon placed his hands together. “You up for meeting a couple of my friends online?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They don’t trust you to go visit them without getting lost?” Ash joked, casually tickling Pikachu’s cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut </span>
  </em>
  <span>it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-eah you know I have gender dysphoria too. Oh hey there! Welcome!” a person said, tuning their white ukulele. Pikachu poked his nose against the screen, waving to everyone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash stared as everyone greeted them, taking a bite of his PB&amp;J sandwich so as to not speak. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Blue headphones with angel wings. A dangling pink yoyo dancing through the air. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rainbows resonating across the screen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon mock bowed from behind. “Thank you, thank you!” Ash and Pikachu both sweatdropped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Leon,” his friends hissed. Ash chuckled, jabbing Leon’s side. Leon rolled his eyes. “Oh I know that look,” one of them said, smirking. “Has our little trainer adopted a sibling?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pouting, Leon said, “Why? Jealous?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stifling a laugh, Ash waved to the screen. “Hi, I’m Ash! It’s awesome meeting you all! You all look good!” Pikachu perched himself on Ash’s shoulder, cooing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone echoed the sentiment back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh I see how it is, you’re just gonna ignore me?” Leon huffed, crossing his arms. Everyone laughed. “So what are we talking about?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The strum of a ukulele sounded. The person greeting them said, “We’re sharing future plans, basically. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut your mouth Leo, we know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” They grinned, holding their ukulele up. “I was just planning to stay home and practice.” Pikachu tilted his head, patting Ash’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash hummed, saying, “I think the E string there needs more tuning?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh you’re right! Do you play ukulele too, Ash?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, tried it out in Alola. I play the guitar though!” Pikachu cheered, nearly falling off Ash’s shoulder if it wasn’t for Ash holding him up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon rested his head on Ash’s head. “Need a singer?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Groans.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyways,” the person with the headphones continued, “I’m gonna go ride a roller coaster in Unova over the weekend!” Ash and Pikachu both gasped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, having fun without me?” Leon asked with a pout.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You bet, Aster.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash’s eyes sparkled, causing Leon to chuckle. “Oh you’ve gotta try the Casteliacone there!” Ash exclaimed, Pikachu nodding in agreement. “It’s really yummy!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, I am visiting </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the Eastern regions,” the last person said. “Ha, </span>
  <em>
    <span>beat that</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon raised a hand, joking, “Good luck learning the languages!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You good luck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>seedhead</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash and Pikachu watched them bicker, shrugging. “I could help with that if you want! I’ve travelled through all of those regions!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why am I not surprised,” Leon flatly said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rolling their wrist and catching their yoyo, the friend asked, “Wait, are you a battler, Ash? A coordinator?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The former!” Ash tilted his head, petting Pikachu’s head. “Aren’t you gonna ask me if I was a former performer though?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The friend playing the ukulele shrugged. “It’s… a bit controversial? Especially regarding non-binary people like me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oops, sorry!” Pikachu also bowed his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No harm no foul!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The person with headphones tapped their chin. “So are you from Kalos, Ash?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, no, but I’ve travelled there!” Pikachu tilted his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...You’re-” Their eyes widened. “Leon, is he...?” Ash pursed his lips, holding Pikachu closer to himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...What.” Ash facepalmed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ash, you were the runner up in Kalos? You were also at the Crisis, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The ukulele playing stopped. “Wait, I knew you two looked familiar! And not </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Leo.” Ash and Pikachu both sweatdropped. “Oh man, you’re the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Alolan Champion</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Setting their yoyo down, the other friend said, “And it was you who saved the world recently, huh.” Leon nodded, letting Pikachu run up his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash flushed in embarrassment. Leon burst out laughing, hugging Ash and patting his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Comfort.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Leo, what is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>face</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Leon stuck his tongue out at the screen, hugging Ash tighter. Pikachu grinned, playfully patting Leon’s head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Reassurance</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash rolled his eyes, leaning slightly against Leon as his friends teased them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I hope you will live a life where you’re proud of yourself and happy with who you are,</span>
  </em>
  <span> was what that hug said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope you’ll be at peace with your gender, and I hope you live in a world where being trans is just as normal as being cis. After all...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We’re looking after you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope everyone had a great if not alright week!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>